My Story: Awakening
It was some time in early year 2000 or late 90s. I was asleep one night. In this dream, I was back in time, approximately during the Han dynasty in the year 200 BC or so. I was wearing the traditional Han dynasty clothing. It was in the middle of the night and somewhere in some forest. The Han dynasty is said to be the golden years and the birth period for the Chinese civilization as a whole. In this dream, I was walking at the bottom of a hill looking for computer parts, some sorts of technology. Somehow, I managed to perform couple of parkour moves to jump up and to do a few 360 degree rotations and flips and landed back down. Before me, I saw 2 men dressed the same as me. I felt a connection to them almost as if they were my brothers and comrades. My point of focus was not too far off the ground strangely. It was like I was looking at the two men from my navel, the Dan Tien.
From a dream state to become consciously awakened in my bed, there was a fire sensation burning from my tail bone, through my spine, and up to my crown. I was on fire and burning hot, in a state of intense heat and shock with massive sense of micro-vibration. In the middle of my forehead, I saw a brilliant, intense white light, regardless if my eyes were open or close. I felt something inside me. Something that has existed for a long time and finally emerged. A strong sense of I and a state of being. I felt whole for the first time in my life since birth. This moment only lasted about 5 seconds.
I just had my Kundalini awakening at the age of 17 after waking up from a dream. For the next 15 days or longer, Kundalini energy was working to cleanse my body of Karma whenever I just sat in my bed and to meditate for 10 minutes. There was always a ticking or a knocking sound in the room preceding the experience. It was scary because my body was experiencing something that was beyond this world. I have no control of it. As soon as my mind quieted down, it happened. The more I anticipated the Kundalini energy to rise, the more nervous I got and the lesser blissfulness I would experience. This was happening when the Internet wasn’t as big as now. I have no prior knowledge of any esoteric yoga and meditation practices. It was almost as if I remembered how to rise my kundalini energy from my past…some thousands of years ago. In the traditional Chinese Taoist internal alchemy, I have just experienced the micro-cosmic orbit whereby the Chi was being circulated from my back (Ming Mem), through the spine, up to the crown, and back down to the Dan Tien, the navel area. There are a lot of similarities between Kundalini yoga and the Chinese Taoist internal alchemy. It depends on how one would move the energy around through your energy points. What I saw myself doing in the dream was actually the way one was supposed to visualize the movement of Chi. Obviously, I remembered how to circulate my Chi in my dream. Maybe something I have learned and realized from thousands of years ago.
You wonder how did this happen? As soon as I started college, I was having emotional and psychological issues with my past, my childhood and my social surrounding, and trying to become Americanized in the late 90s. I was born in Hong Kong but my experience growing up in the city wasn’t pleasant. It was painful and with a lot of tears. Growing up in Hong Kong and knowing that you would leave for America one day didn’t make for a good childhood. My grandparents on my father side left for America before I even turned one. My parents were expected to leave for America one day. It was all matter of when. There was another layer of Karma too of how my grandparents ended up in America in the first place. I would not mention it. Is something I would never condone. How could a child growing up in an environment knowing that one day you have to leave all behind. Unfortunately, that was my fate, the Karma I have inherited.
There were two things I cherished the most growing up in Hong Kong…the time I hang out with my uncle and the time we rented bikes and to ride around in the New Territory in Hong Kong. The New Territory in Hong Kong is like a suburb area with plenty of open roads and bike paths. Even to this day, the bike symbol for me represents happiness and a better time. By the age of 10, I was living in the Golden Mountain, that’s the metaphor many ethnic Cantonese would refer to America back in the days.
When I started college, my world was crashing down. I go to school and feeling like I was back in grade school in my childhood. For me, growing up in Hong Kong schooling was like a prison. All I remembered was that I was always being punished for something. Not much learning going on. I was feeling like I was back in Hong Kong when I was starting out my first year in college. At night, I would dream about my childhood. Oh, my American identity was falling apart like a house of cards. As a result of my past and the injustice I experienced in my childhood, I always fight for and believe in justice and to become very sympathetic towards people who have been oppressed historically and anyone experiencing any sense of injustice in this world. I took some sociology course and somehow, I have internalized the world's social issues from racism to anti-Semitism. Dreaming about the Shoah? Yup. Dreaming about the early Chinese immigrants building the railway system in the west? Yup. The Japanese occupation in China during WWII? Yup. It was like it was not enough that I have to deal with my own childhood issues, now, I have to deal with the world’s social problems. I felt a sense of pride becoming socially active in engaging with the world’s social issues. However, my sense of being an American or Americanized was slowly eroding. Nothing was making sense anymore for being American.
In my second year in the first college I attended, I spent most of the time in the library reading books. None of them would have anything to do with my courses. And then I discovered Carl Jung. Could you believe that? I have discovered Carl Jung all by myself. It was fate. I read most of his work and have completely self analyzed myself. I was reborn and empowered. I have gained total clarity of why I was dreaming about my childhood. I have come to say NO to many things I thought I should strive for and to become while being an American. I have broken through the first Skandha of Form, the most difficult illusion to penetrate. I have discovered the 12 links of dependent origination of suffering. Suffering and emotional affliction are only real because your mind gives meaning to them and being caused by other external, outside factors. They have no intrinsic essence. I took a lot of crap from this college and so I decided to transfer to another one. Sort of like giving them a big middle finger.
That was how my Kundalini energy being awakened. All it took for me was to break through the first Skandha of Form and to realize the illusion behind my suffering and emotional affliction I have experienced throughout my childhood, and up to my first year in college in America. Easy right? The realization part is always difficult and it takes a long time. For me, approximately 10+ years of constant reflection and to question everything I thought I should become and to strive for. Nowadays, too much information is made available and it tends to confuse the entire process of awakening. Worse, people are taking recreational drugs to induce the experience. The experience is possible because your mind has managed to see through the illusion of suffering and Form. The experience itself is a by-product of this Dharma wisdom you have just realized. By inducing the experience without the mind having to realize the Dharma wisdom, it is a misguided way to realize enlightenment. The worst part is that your third eye would open and seeing vision latent with Karma. That’s horrible because you would see and dream of events you don’t want to see. You would encounter entities that you aren’t ready to handle. You would see and experience your worst fear. You would see and experience your most desired wishes. However, they aren’t real but your mind can’t tell at this point.
I encountered a blue eyed Buddha in my second college while registering for my classes. How and why? Since I have no prior knowledge of any esoteric yoga and meditation practices, I didn’t give much fuzz about meeting him. I remembered what he said to me and he said it with a smile too. No, he wasn’t an European with blue eyes. His eyes have no pupils and just plain bluish and whitish. He looked Asian or Tibetan, maybe. He does not look Han Chinese. And he speaks good English too. He could see for sure. He didn’t dress like a monk either. According to the sutra, one shouldn’t grow attached to a Buddha even when one encountered one. That’s the prefect understanding of the Dharma.
I was only half realized and awakened. My next path was even more trickier. I was about to gain clarity and to cleanse the Karma of a historical past of another country, and another people. I thought about maybe, after my Kundalini rising experience, I was seeing my past life. Perhaps, it wasn’t really my past life. Maybe I was just internalizing Karma and social issues of another country and another people. Regardless, there was no I or they. Their problems became my problems. Their Karma became my Karma. Yes, I have dreams about their historical past. My next journey seemed to have entangled another person as well. It took me another 10 years or so for me to realize the Dharma wisdom in this particular life challenge in my life. It wasn’t easy because there was another person involved in this. The emotional affliction was all mind created because I was trying to resolve the Karma of a historical past outside of America, in my present time. It was obvious it wasn’t real.
I took up cycling and eventually racing to manage my emotion stemming from the second part of my hero’s journey. Once I graduated from college and started to work in sales, I could afford nice things for myself. So, I bought my first real road bike from Roy’s Sheepshead Cycle. It was a $700 Raleigh aluminum road bike. It didn’t take long before I upgraded everything to Dura Ace. I then joined the NYCC to get a taste of group riding. I was too “competitive and spirited” for NYCC considering what I have gone through in life. Then, I joined the Kissena club and fancying myself becoming a racer. What else you are supposed to do when you can beat everyone in a group ride and dropping everyone in charity and century rides? There is a certain Zen quality in becoming and training to be a bike racer. Everything in life revolving around bike racing and training….from food, to sleep, and even how to get to work…even the water you drink. Since there was hardly anything American in me at this point of my life, cycling and bike racing was the prefect sport to take up.
This was happening during the time when Lance was making a name for himself in the Tour. It was a great time to become a bike racer. You have family members telling you to race in the Tour just because you can do some few centuries in a year. People calling you Lance just because you are all decked out in kits. Yeah, I did all the charity rides and centuries before taking up racing. Bike racing and training kept me in focus and helping to work through my issues. I have this issue with this person and it has never been resolved in a real life situation. Karma was supposed to be ripen but I guess this wasn’t meant to happen. Somehow, all the training and racing have managed to stress out my cardio system. During my rest week, I would have the most wonderful dreams about this person. Seeing that we have reconciled. It was like all the physical and mental effort I put into racing and training have managed to cleanse my Karma. And to help my mind to reconcile the past. I think this is called burning up your Karma by engaging in intense, grueling physical activities.
I knew these dream visions weren’t real but they have a real effect on me. Over time, I no longer cared about what really happened in that period of my life. On my 4th year as a Cat 4, I was racing unattached. Somehow, I became less motivated to train and race maybe because bike racing and training were no longer needed to help me to manage my emotional affliction. By that time, I was promoted to a management position and working 9 to 10 hours a day. It was no longer easy to train, work, race, and recover in the same week.
I did all the major New England races from Housatonic road race to James Town Classic. The only out of town race that I could finish with the pack was the Jiminy Peak. I got spitted out with about 1 mile to go when I was trying to hang on near the front. I popped right at the bottom of the short incline leading to the finish. We all watched the Tour and every skinny rider, including my 130 lb self, thought we could climb and to ride in long distance. Oh by, was I wrong...
Of course, I am still involved in cycling. Nowadays, I ride for a different reason than in the past.
The question is that do I have super power because I am half realized, enlightened, and awakened? Do I talk to gods and celestial beings in my dreams? The answer is yes and yes but it depends. Precognition is my ability, at least something I am very fully aware. Sometimes, I can intuitively sense the entire chain of events and course of the Karma would take just by knowing the person's intent, his or her initial thoughts. Other times, I can sense and see the entire chain of events and its Karmic influence in my dream visions. Often time, they are without context. That makes dream interpretation difficult but not impossible. Of course, I can receive incorrect information. That's why I treat these information causally and not overly attached to them unless there are immediate evidence to support my precognitive vision. There are no limit what my mind can penetrate and perceive, from a person's personal intent to the spirit of a nation and a people. No, I have never won a lottery in case you are asking. From what I was told, the law of the universe isn't at my command and to serve my needs only. They are to help others. Yeah, yeah, I receive information from the gods and other celestial beings in my dreams. They just give me information that could help me to make my decisions in life...making me to make the right choice for myself and others.